Saturday, July 16, 2011

You and I and Harry Potter

Oh goodness, what is this sudden disturbance in the force? What dark change is occurring to disrupt to relative peace the world has maintained? Thats right. Another post is coming, another pensive discussion with myself you all get to jeer at. So come, pull up a chair, a log or a pillow if that be your thing. Grad your coffee or pitchforks, how ever it is you start your day off, and lets begin.

Its 11:25 on a Saturday morning. Ive had the same Black Keys song on repeat for 17 minutes.

I saw the final Harry Potter movie yesterday, and it was quite amazing. I will say though, it made me think a lot more then I would have anticipated. First off, the childhood of my generation is fading fast. We are all around the same age as dear old Harry and his friends. It is a startling realization, that we are closer to adulthood then we are to being children. The thought brings both a thrill and some feeling of ominous foreboding. It also caused me to reflect on what we have done as a generation. I myself have accomplished no great thing thus far in my life. No world has been saved due in any part to me. No dark powers fought off.  Sadly, most of the time, we are lucky to have people stand up for what they know to be right under the regular circumstances of our average lives. This thought saddened me. After all, Harry does right and he doesn't even exist. He has no real morals, no real motivations in his life, and yet we believe him almost totally altruistic. How much better can we do then, seeing as we are living breathing compassionate and moral souls? Just food for the thought i suppose.

The other thought i had while watching the movie is about how fast society disintegrated in the books. In the span from Voldemort's return at the end of book 4 to the beginning of book 7, a span of a little more then two years, society crumbles and a new order takes place. My natural first instinct when thinking about this was that it is ridiculous. There is no way a world order could fall so quickly into chaos, that society was really so able to disintegrate into a panicked and fear based socio-anarchy. But the more i thought about it, the more real it became to me. Poor and twisted leaders can do great damage to the structure of the world. We need to be careful who we put in charge, and make sure they really represent what we hold as important, other wise we may accidentally put the minion of the most powerful dark wizard the world has ever seen in control, and well, we all know what happens then (;

The last thought on my mind today is simply this, we aren't pieces of writing. We arent figures of someones imagination or words thrust onto a page, no matter how powerful some words may be. We are much more complex, much more real, and honestly we make much better stories. We look to stories such as those of Harry and others because they begin to connect up with the complexity of us. We get attached. We share the same dreams at the heart of the matter, to succeed, to change expectations, to make the world a better place, to find love. I think if we really strove to do it, we could have just as much impact in our lives as any character ever has, even if no one writes down our story.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

falling forward

It has been an odd couple of weeks for me. I havent posted anything in almost 2 months, I have been slacking. I know. I have been in interestign patterns of thought, most of them far from myself. As I have said before, blogging is a rather obscure art to me. I  have issue assuming people want to read about my stupidly cliche life.

But with that, I come to a moment of explination. I have lost myself over the last bit of time. Slowly been forgetting who I really am. I am a confident person, definately not shy, not someone who easily bends, but I kept getting to the point where I would throw away everything I have for someone who wouldnt for me. So I stopped. This in and of its self is hard. Notice I didnt say that I was unhappy, or that everythign sucked. I suppose there is a time when we realize whether things are right or not, the people who do well go with that feeling.

Next on my mind is the fact that I hate stupid people. Well, not stupid as in mentally handicapped, but as in ignorent.  I dislike people who assume that they know everything, or at least more then anyone else in the room. I dont like people who run thier mouths all the time. Knowing when to shut up is a valuable skill. I wish it was a common one.

I have a headache at the moment. Most likely its from drinking mtn dew. As I say that though, I am of course picking up said beverage and drinking more. funny how life works like that isnt it? Life does that alot. We stay with comfortable things. Things we like even though they arent nessiccarily good for us. One day we all have to move on though. We have to grow up. Gotta keep moving forward. Thats what im trying to do. If I gotta die on this road, I'm gonna die falling forward.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

'How to Fight Lonliness'

It's seven fifty eight, Wilco is blaring in my head phones and I am, for once, not watching Jeopardy (*GASP*). For those of you who care enough to read my monotonous ramblings, please, pull up a chair, a sofa, a mat if that be your wish. Sit back, relax, and silently judge the buffoon who babbles to himself.

First off, the politicalization of schools kinda really bugs me. We sit in English class and guess what, every thing we read that isn't directly literature based has a liberal context.  The affiliation of its bias doesn't really bother me as so much as the sheer extremist views and unequal representation that keeps occurring. My social studies classes, my health class, every year I have something that is just totally abrasive bias, and it annoys the fire out of me. Honestly, an article in which the author seems to be embracing the disappearance of the traditional American family has no context with our class. Maybe that's just my bias. But on a separate note, embracing bad things just because they keep happening seems rather stupid to me too.

Next on my never ending list of things to rant about is stupid people. I am not talking about those who lack ability in the areas taught at school, but rather those who lack purpose in life other then to mess stuff up for others. Maybe selfish would be a better word. Hypocritical. It amazes me how fake people still manage to be. I guess I'm still finding out who my friends are, though by this point, I really had hoped to be past that. The only other thing I am going to say about that is, if you think negative things about me or my other friends, first off, don't act like you're my friend. I, contrary to popular opinion, am not stupid. Keep your complaints to yourself while you're at it. If word is getting back to me, then your 'friends' can't keep secrets either. Says a lot about you .

Finally, well, there's not much else tonight. I'm writing this out of imagined obligation and to prove to my girlfriend I can stick with something for at least a decent amount of time. On that note, I'm off to more important things and conversations.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Staring at a 'Pink Moon'

Yes, the look of shock and awe has reason, the words appearing on the screen are yet another post by the mad man at his keyboard. Turn your music up, maybe turn the lights down low, if you're anything like me you'll sit in the dark with nothing but the computer screen and Nick Drake playing softly in the background to attempt to absolve a brutal headache and longing for old acoustic music. But, what ever your rituals may be, sit back, relax, and if necessary, shake your head at the rambling fool whose words you read. And with that, I shall begin.

Today I have been thinking of several things, as it always seems to go. The first of which is the island, my second home in my mind, and a place I haven't been to in almost two years. Martha's Vineyard, off the coast of Cape Cod in Mass. started as a vacation place for my family. It has grown to more of a resting place, a place of longing. I am longing to go there again, to see its sandy beaches, its small towns. I miss the long stone walls that border the fields, I even miss getting looked at in a peculiar manner when people hear my accent. I want to be fishing at night, want to be able to look up at the sky and actually see stars on the nights when the fish aren't biting. I'm homesick for a place that isn't my home. Strange how that works out.

From that I will move onto my throbbing headache. Its really a pain, you know. It always sticks around as some sort of dull pain, and then occasionally spikes up and causes agony. Those of you who have read my other posts know I'm going to make this into some random deep metaphor, so here it is. There are things in life that we become comfortable with. They aren't necessarily good, in many cases they aren't good at all, but they become part of our being by the sheer fact of persistence. People, habits, mind sets, they all have a way of hanging on to us and for the largest part of the time, we almost don't notice. But there comes a time when the bad things bear their fruit. Suddenly the little pester has become a large and obnoxious issue. By the time this happens, its very hard to get rid of the cause, if for nothing else, because the effects it is having are much more distracting. Just food for the thought I suppose.

Finally, I have been thinking about music and writing. Well, creativity in general. I am a poet I suppose, seeing as I am one who writes poetry. In occupying this role, I have realized several things. The most disturbing to me is how large of a preference there is toward poetry of the darker and more sad variety. A melancholy stance seems to appeal to audiences much more then an optimistic or even, heaven forbid, truly happy point of view. The later often comes off as cliche for some reason. I have wondered why. An answer came to me earlier, and it was almost as disturbing as the need for the question itself. I think people, especially those who consider themselves 'intellectuals' either fear happiness or believe it fickle and bland. After all, everyone is happy at some point in time. It is a cheesy emotion, it would seem. Even worse, it seems as if it is something that rarely last for very long. No. It seems much more acceptable to fall into deep and long periods of angst at my age the to merely be content and happy. Those at peace are rarely 'in' in the art world. It could be said their works come off as shallow, un-fullfilling. This fact almost throws me into angst toward the angsty, for what kind of world are we living in when it is 'cooler' to be dark and brooding then content and optimistic.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

You and I, living in 'Someone Else's Song'

It is that time again, gather around your computer screens in feigned interest, put on your reading glasses and your thinking caps, place your hot chocolate in a safe place, for once again, more ramblings are on their way.

I decided to officially start blogging today. It is a rather interesting concept to me, because it forces me to assume others may be interested in what I have to say. As interesting as I believe myself, this is a rather foreign idea to me. We do live in America I suppose, we have every right to assume that we are fanatically intriguing, and I suppose on some level we may all be. But truely, before we continue, I'd like to thank anyone who spends thier time reading my ramblings. It's very much appreciated.

And with that, I have several things on my mind today. Time, success, and living weigh most heavily on me, so beginning with the beginning, I shall discuss time first.

Time is a seemingly uniform thing. We have turned keeping track of it to almost a scientific art, and a precise one at that. But upon reflection, I see time as a more fickle and abstract thing. I have been here my entire life, which, to me, seems like a long time. Then again, it has only been a tad under 16 years. In the grand scheme of things that is nothing. I will finish high school in 2 and a half years, and most likely be done with school in general in 7 or 8. What have I done with this time? None of my actions can be deemed world changing. I haven't pushed anybody to the edge of enlightenment, haven't done any great good. I'm a little less than a fourth of the way through my life. I look forward to the future, but even that seems so vague and abstract that i rarely look very far. All thats in front of us is the rest of our lives. But then again, thats all we have. Looking both forward and back, all I can say is that I hope the next three fourths are equally if not more happy, and alot more productive.

Speaking of productivity, the next issue on my mind is success. The word has many different definitions, possibly as many as there are people in the world. I have thought hard about it recently. Money does not make you successful, even though many wish to use it as a measuring stick to determine your success. A nice house, a white picket fence, the bmw in the drive way, in the long run those mean nothing. I've decided there are only two things that can be considered a success. The first is happiness. If you are not happy, then you are most likely not successful. The second is setting precedent. Changing the world, doing somethign so that someone else will back on you in admiration or respect or fear. Most people are remembered by those in thier generation, but after three have passed, most are gone from memory. To be happy and to be remembered. I think that is the hopes of man kind, and through those, I qualify success.

Branching off from success, I ponder the point of life. I question what can truely be difined as living. I suppose we must start with the medical definition. A pulse, a heartbeat, maybe brain function. But surely that cannot be it. I dotn qualify existing as living. No. To live, I go back to the two goals stated above, we must search for happiness and precedent. The pursuit of happiness is known in this country as a God given right, unalienable by man. And yet, the search for these two drains so many in vain searches that many choose not to search at all. The reason this happens? We look in the wrong places. I have realized three things can make people happy. The first is God, but even mentioning that fact will most likely make me a taboo subject and maybe cost me any backing from the democratic party, but I believe it anyway. The second is through loved ones, a spouse, family, friends, those who we really believe in, can truely trust. And finally, we have music. I don't know of anyone who doesn't like music, who can't be spoken to or connect to it in some way. The three of these are needs programed into us. We need them, and yet over look them constantly in search for the shiny and vain. I don't know what I'm doing to do in my life. I can't tell you my future career, my full ambition. But I know where the three of these lie with me, and I believe they will stay there forever.

Cookie Dough Ice Cream and George W. Bush (Dec 27, 2010)

Time again for another section on my thoughts of the times and happenings. Pull up a chair if you wish, lean back in your dark corner, re-adjust your head on your significant others arms and get comfortable. And with that, I shall begin.

As per usual, I have several things on my mind. Varying things, ranging from the ever daunting topic of love to George W. Bush's new memoir to even the bowl of cookie dough ice cream I am enjoying as I type this. But before I address any of these, I would like to take a moment and address a person of inspiration behind my humor, my outlook, and these collective thoughts. Garrison Keillor, I salute you. If you haven't heard him, you should listen. He is a remarkable wit with a voice that I believe is truly unique. His views are put subtly and always with a shade of humor, and with that, I move to this book that I am reading.

Decision Points, the memoir of former president George W. Bush is gracing the floor next to my bed at the moment, a place that is near sacred to me for that is where I keep all books that I have deemed readable and possibly even inspiring. It feels rather extreme to call the fact that this is a very well written book surprising, but I was delighted when I realized it. He talks not of his entire growing up, or of the tedious daily proceedings of his job, but rather he dissects his key decisions he has made in his life, both good and bad. He then explains why he made them, he shows the factors that had influenced him in his life that helped him choose. Whether it be his conversion to Christianity (which is a touchy topic for me, some of you know I am not a believer in modern formal Christianity) or his stopping drinking, everything is discussed in an intriguing manner that flows through his life. One quote has really stuck out to me thus far in my reading, a quote on inspiration: 'But the truth is that i never had to look for a role model. I was the son of George Bush.

And from there, I will go to the topic of family. It is the holiday season after all. Spending time with family is seemingly universally traditional in many peoples minds, whether that be enjoyable or not quite so. My family at least, is enjoyable for the most part . The Wollams are a special breed of people. You see, by default we are strong willed, relatively intelligent, and share the belief that each of us is more intelligent then the other. This leads to interesting conversation of course. You see, obviously, we are rarely all right, which again is an issue. For being the strong willed, intelligent Wollams that we believe we are, by being wrong you are a let down, a failure not so much in the sense of every one's opinion around you, but merely as a fact of your existence. You see, success is not judged necessarily by your wealth or your job or education in my family. It is rather judged by influence. If you can be wrong and convince everyone around you that you are right, then you are successful. It is a brilliant concept, and I thank my father for passing down this brilliant and blissfully consistent way of life down to me. For after all, behind every cynic, there is a father.

And so we are off to maybe the most cynical of all topics known to man, which of course is love. Its actually probably a stupid thing to discuss, because those who know it know it well, and those who are not yet familiar with it... well, let us say it would be easier to explain colors to the blind. I suppose that is more of my goal to address here, not really love, but those who are in it and out of it, those who search for it with every breath and those who seem to even fear it. Love is used all the time as a word. Between family, between friends, between couples, the word love is thrown around as if it is the most common thing on the planet, and at some level, I will agree that it is. To love is as basic of an instinct as to search out food and water. We need it to survive, surely John Lennon wasn't the only one to realize that. But at the same time, the word has been watered down, the emotion almost too common. 'True love', as I believe it is called, is rarely searched for anymore. Few have the patience, or maybe its the maturity they lack, to truly find it. As Americans, we support passion for the bigger, and thus we have more relationships, and many more divorces then most of the world. What are we at, a 50% divorce rate? That means half the people out there move to soon, take a leap of faith with nothing to catch them, and they plummet to the ground. But on the other end of the spectrum, there are those who fear mislabeling what they have, they fear 'fake' love so much that they never find the real thing. This is possibly the saddest of all things to me because it is correlative to the ignorance of the already mentioned. This is a result of society, and we must question our actions when the adults separate them selves at such an alarming rate that the next generation is afraid to move at all.

From there I will conclude with mention of a very common guilty pleasure, cookie dough ice cream. I love, oh wait, there is that word again... I greatly enjoy this treat. It is, for a moment, divine on my taste buds. But like everything else food based around me, it soon fades away. This, I suppose, is like many peoples love, like their ambition. Sadly, the issue cannot be solved by choosing another flavor, even another course. We must realize that many things in life, much like even the most wonderful food, will pass away. What lasts is whats important, what lingers over time. I guess that's why I'm not really opposed to people breaking down. When the pieces all fall, when the proverbial cookie crumbles I guess, we are eventually able to pick ourselves back up. There is almost never as much there afterwards as there was in the beginning, but what is left is real

I am out of Meat Loaf (Dec 19, 2010)

It's time for one of my predictable yet pensive and melonchaouly rants about life... Pull up a chair, a corner, a shoulder. Come cry, come jeer at the cynic if that be your wish. And with that, here we go...

First off, I am out of meat loaf. This is as symbolic as it is literal. I have Chopins Nocturnes on repeat, and I can't stop thinking about this stupid meat loaf. And America. And relationships. Go figure.

 Starting in reverse order and then preceding 'willy nilly' I guess one could say. Relationships. I am begining to question them again. Its funny, we love them or hate them, often at the same time. I am not so narrow minded as to call a relationship that doesn't work a failure, it does after all teach. Hopefully both parties remain amiable afterwards. But my opinion changes however, when all that is managed to have is poor relationships. Looking for the wrong things in the right places will not get you both a right place and right person. Neither will going in the wrong direction looking for all the right things.  That also irks me at times. You see, it is very easy to find somethigin good while going in the wrong direction. It is very easy to just go with it, and lose where you are at, and where you plan to go. What needs to happen. You know, I believe it should be just as easy, if not more so, to take the right thing in the right direction, but for some reason it isn't. We can't seem to grasp the fact that unlike in math, a positive and a negative dont make a positive.

Next on the list I suppose is America.
Where are you? Where am I? What is going on this very second in every location in these United States? I don't know. I'd assume that there are people dying, and slightly more people being born. I'd assume there are homeless, and even more with homes. There's a large number of people complaining and not doing anything. Theres a large African American woman sueing McDonalds because they give her children toys, and she lacks the capacity to tell them no. Soldiers are dying, and few people think about that. Our Government is progressing into a polarized free for all fire fight of stupidity. The American dream is deteriorating and apprently no one cares. FOX news is spewing the lies of the Devil. Or is that CNN? Its so hard to keep track these days. Taxes are in limbo and so apprently are our souls. The funny thing is, I still consider my self an American. The dream is still strong in me. I'm not on the streets yet, it even appears I have a future ahead of me. My city has hundred if not thousands of new jobs coming to it over then next couple years. Im not saying things arent bad, but people seem afraid to keep on living. This is America, thats not how we work. I mean come on. We are a proud people right? We've been through harder, we've survived more extreme, and yet we still maintain the ability to whine like babies that the world is coming to an end with every side ways glance of a leader we don't agree with. If you want change, do it your self. You don't want your kids to eat happy meals, don't go to McDonalds. You're tired of sitting at home with your unemployment benefits running out? Get a job. Shocker right? They are out there. Get off your lazy butt and start looking.

And on that note, I am off of my chair and looking in my refigerator, vainly hoping that there is still a tupper wear container somewhere with more of this blissfully crafted meat loaf that I have devoured. It's actually really good on a sandwich. Or heated in the microwave. Heck, pretty much any way I could think to eat it, it was divine. And now I've eaten every last spec. I'm a glutton. I'll admit that. I would sit here and eat until I made myself sick. And I would love every minute of it. Thats how life is isnt it? We wear down the stuff we love till there is little left, but then we have this feeling that something is missing. I guess the secret is finding something a tad more enduring. A tad more real. Yes, maybe even better than this meat loaf.